Robotman log

Today is blue. Everything is light blue, the sky, the cloud, the window, the table, the sheet on my bed, even the sunlight is blueish. It's weird feeling, but it's feeling, it's sensation, it's something connected to my soul and I can touch it.

I had this surgery to replace my body with a robotic body. Or in another word, to transplant my head on a machine being, yeah, it's the same. I can recall some of the memory in detail but others are just blurry. 

I was placed comfortably in a bed in the operation room, ready for surgery, I remember I was staring at the machine body standing next to me, the body that is going to host me, to become me. I remember I asked my doctobot Kevin, what happens to my old body? Kevin said, we'll take care of it, unless you really want to keep it yourself, we can deliver it to your address. I said, no thanks, I'd rather not have it. Then I raised my hand and just gazed at it, I turn my palm back and forth, round and round, the more I looked at it, the more I understand that it's just some machine made by mother nature, essentially there's no difference from artificial body, I mean, my ability on hands is limited by the shape, muscle and component of my flesh hand, it is so and I had to accept how it is, there's no imagination, no extension, nothing else other than... a hand, just so, but with artificial hand I could do so much more, I could feel so much more... 

Then I woke up, trying to open my eyes for a bit, Kevin was there, smiling at me, he has a better smile than I do, and I am a real human, my mouth is small and when I smile it just doesn't look like smile, it looks rather like exposing my teeth and crying, that's why I never smile much, I'm overly self-conscious about my face. Ugh, wish someday I could change my face as well, but that would be too much, I don't want to risk losing my own identity, the way I look for so many years.
After a few seconds I could fully open my eyes, and everything was yellow, why is everything yellow? Once when I was a kid I woke up in an early morning and found everything was pink, I was scared that something went wrong with my eyes, until a few minutes later the pink disappear I realized that it was just the dawn light, so soft and contentious that made the entire room, sky and everything pinkish. But this time it was my eyes. I started to see things as if through some colorful filters, it switches all the time depends on the occasion and mood, but I haven't figured out just exactly which one is for which situation yet. Okay, it's perfectly normal, everything's yellow, I raised my hand again, staring at it, moved it around a little bit, it's wonderful! I can feel it just at the place where I used to feel my flesh hand. I can also feel my joint's motion, I can also feel ... a lot, I can tell the temperature, material, age of anything just by touching it, more than that, there are a lot of information I simply can't understand, those are beyond my knowledge and probably not very much useful to me as well, so I can just ignore them. It's interesting, I just stare at my hand, when you were flesh and blood, I could feel pressure and other physical sensations, now it's so much more yet it comes so naturally, not overwhelming at all, the information just flow into my head, I don't know, I just, I can just tell what temperature it is, I didn't even have to think, just ... felt it.

If the body is anywhere damaged or hurt you'll feel a warning signal, it's not painful, but it's a signal you won't miss. Kevin so explained to me, and then he took a kit box, opened it, took knife, needle and lighter out and tested them on my right arm: he cut the knife into my arm a little bit, my arm is very flexible and tough, the laser edge barely cut through it after a while. Now this is cut warning, remember it, he said while doing it. While the edge bit into my arm I did feel ... not pain, but it wasn't pleasant, considering the feeling of having something sharp getting into your skin has being naturally what we always feared, I felt very uncomfortable, my brain spontaneously tried to search for the pain but it wasn't there, I just felt the urge to escape the cutting but I held it down, and along with that also came the information of the knife of course, made in NetX 702 in year 2108. Don't worry, after the test we'll change this part of skin on your arm, Kevin assured me that while proceeding to the next test. 

After that there were a series of other tests including walking, running, jumping, everything, everything felt fantastic, I felt stronger and faster, and it really felt good to feel the joint moving, I like it, I enjoy every movement I make, it's like riding a bicycle and the sound and feeling of the chain running smoothly, extremely satisfying. Later I was put in sleep and Kevin made some adjustments based on my tests. Then I was good to go. 

Wait, I don't remember the part after the test... what did I do yesterday? Was it yesterday? I really don't remember, it only makes sense if it was yesterday I guess, otherwise I would know what I did yesterday.

Today I woke up to everything is blue, light blue, very light and soft, makes every building glowing from the edges.